chadsexington
Registered User
I was hoping Bruce was ready to branch the magazine into sports video gaming, but no dice, so enjoy this review on the new 3 on 3 Arcade Game I wrote last week:
15 years ago, video game designers attempted to capitalize on the popularity of hockey and arcade style gaming by combining both and spewing forth a bevy of playable, yet mediocre games. One by one, we stopped at our local video store and rented them. One by one we took them back with sour taste in our mouth. Nintendo Stanley Cup hockey for SNES had awkward unrealistic male grunting combined with the same guaranteed goal cheat as Super Soccer before it. Mario Lemieux Hockey for the Genesis had gray ice. I don't need to discuss that further. Mutant League Hockey for Genesis was fun, but didn't contain real life NHL mutants like Mike Ricci and Tim Hunter. It also didn't help that the game was released during a phase where EA was pumping out other memorable sports games like Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City and Shaq-Fu, two of the worst games ever released period, let alone by EA.Then in rapid succession, Atari released Wayne Gretzky 3D Hockey, and then Midway released the current champion of Arcade Style hockey in NHL 2 on 2 Open Ice challenge. Though considered by some to be nothing more than "NBA Jam on Skates," Open Ice combined elements of unrealistic and unpenalized hockey action along with the rich cartoony charm NBA Jam put forth. The only negatives about the game were Pat Foley's horrid announcing and inability to pronounce player names correctly (as sniper Keith Kachook and goalie Patrick Rowah can attest) and the fact that the game's greatest player was...Mark Tinordi?
Nothing released since has even come close. The NHL Hitz series was good fun, along with EA's first attempt at NHL arcade style hockey, Rock the Rink. Some fans of Open Ice took to Rock the Rink slightly, but the NHL and NHLPA weren't very keen on the glorified fighting (there were weight classes and championship belts!) or the fact that the game thrived off deliberate attempts to injure. The other main criticism was the repetitive commentary of Don Taylor. While some of us may never get tired of hearing "That check was too sexy for its shirt!" the other 9 people besides myself that owned Rock the Rink did.
Fast forward to February 11th 2009, the day Electronic Arts delivers its long awaited 3 on 3 arcade challenge for XBox Live (the Playstation Network was offered it a week later.) Considering the latest great hockey game of this nature was released when the Islanders were shilling High Liner Fish Sticks on their jerseys, it wouldn't be hard to beat Midway's efforts in this high-tech day and age, especially since we can play online now, and have the ability to diversify rosters a bit better (something Gretzky Hockey attempted to do, but only to a small degree.) So does this game match up and beat the majestic hockey game that was NHL Open Ice?
I can stop the review and tell you right now that the answer is a staggering "No." You can stop reading here or continue.
For those of you wishing to continue, allow me to explain why.
Upon loading the game, I'm told there are 30 teams in the NHL. Unfortunately, I get to play as neither of them. In fact, the logos on the loading screen are the closest I get to playing as any team. Instead, I'm presented with the option of red team vs. blue team. The Blue team is obviously the Western Conference and the Red team is obviously the Eastern Conference, but I'm told none of this. Instead, my sole instruction is through the ever popular awkward male grunts, returning from a 15 year hockey game hiatus to guide me through the menus. Two urgs and an oog and I get to roster selection. Choosing the Blue Team, I'm on my way.
My all-star squad consists of Jarome Iginla, Jeremy Roenick, Shea Weber and Roberto Luongo as I look forward to the controls and the in-game play by play. I'm given one of these right away and find out that unlike every single hockey game made since 1992, there is no turbo button. Fine.
Speaking of the early 90s, it seems the designers haven't played a hockey game since then because Jeremy Roenick is far and away the best player in this game, making everybody look like the real Mark Tinordi in comparison. Roenick skates with the grace of Mike Gartner, shoots with the grace of Mike Bossy and checks with the grace of Todd Bertuzzi in his heyday. Everybody else looks like garbage in comparison. While I make this startling discovery, there's no play by play to be found. All I get is an in-house PA announcer yelling the name of various powerups, and using dated video game references like "A winner is you!" to proclaim a victory.
All this mayhem occurs after the most awkward way to start a game. EA has taken a page from the XFL because you just stand there till the puck appears and scrum for it till someone comes away. Not surprisingly, not even the living legend of Jeremy Roenick was a match for Zdeno Chara, who skated away with the puck with ease and scored on Roberto Luongo to put me down 1-0 3.2 seconds into the game. It was 2-0 them after I realized there's no followup faceoff when someone scores. The puck just appears and they get a hold of it and score.
While the computer opponents make it look so easy, scoring in this game is no easy task. In fact, it seems learning to score in this game is one of its greatest challenges. First you don't get to enjoy the rush of the turbo button-assisted breakaway, and to make things worse, EA has disabled the one weapon many sneaky gamers have been using to their advantage since NHL 94. There are no one-timers in this game. Allow me to repeat that so it sinks in: THERE ARE NO ONE TIMERS IN THIS GAME. If there is, I haven't found an easy way to do it. You can set up the prettiest 4 way passing play in the world and it won't make a lick a difference that Jarome Iginla has an open net to shoot at. You have to gather control of the puck and then shoot. By then, the opposing goalie will easily be in place to score.
Adding to the frustration is the wandering goalie who moves to the puck at breakneck speed, and when moves with the puck with the speed of Dave Babych hauling Dana Murzyn on his back. It wouldn't be so frustating if goalies were ghosts like they usually are in hockey games. Instead, you have about a half a second to pass to anything before the opposition goes gangbusters and all 3 of them bodycheck you into the boards, take the puck and score. While I appreciate EA's great attention to clipping details in the game, losing games because of a wandering game is a pain.
Eventually, if you can get over the goaltender clipping, annoying PA announcer, irritating sound effects, average graphics, lack of NHL teams, faceoffs or order, you can at least take solace in the responsive controls. Oh. No, you can't. The controls in this game are average at best. Despite the fact that you can choose between arcade style, or sim-style controls, neither seem to make a difference over the other in terms of reliability.
Once you get past all that, you're left with a passable effort at best, no different than the pond hockey extras you find in the 2K Sports games, and at least then, you can play as whoever you like in the NHL. $10, while not a steep price tag for this game, isn't worth it unless you're desperate to play online. You better enjoy the online while it lasts as well, since EA will be disabling the online play for it 30 days after the NHL Regular Season ends. If you have an N64, you're better off spending it on Gretzky 3D Hockey, and if you have a PS1, you're better to spend it on Rock the Rink, or add $15 to it and get Open Ice (the game is fairly rare and commands a lot of money in person. The best way to go about it is eBay.) You also also pray Midway starts exporting more games to the Arcade and drop an NBA Jam or NHL Open Ice in there, though licensing issues and royalties may come into play.
All in all, I'd say download the demo. There's really no harm in it since it's free of charge. Play it for the 5 or 10 minutes it takes for you to become disenchanted with it and move on to better games.
*Sadly, in the time it took me to write this review, Midway announced their bankruptcy and ensuing exit from video games, bringing to an end one of the most prolific video game companies in history.
15 years ago, video game designers attempted to capitalize on the popularity of hockey and arcade style gaming by combining both and spewing forth a bevy of playable, yet mediocre games. One by one, we stopped at our local video store and rented them. One by one we took them back with sour taste in our mouth. Nintendo Stanley Cup hockey for SNES had awkward unrealistic male grunting combined with the same guaranteed goal cheat as Super Soccer before it. Mario Lemieux Hockey for the Genesis had gray ice. I don't need to discuss that further. Mutant League Hockey for Genesis was fun, but didn't contain real life NHL mutants like Mike Ricci and Tim Hunter. It also didn't help that the game was released during a phase where EA was pumping out other memorable sports games like Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City and Shaq-Fu, two of the worst games ever released period, let alone by EA.Then in rapid succession, Atari released Wayne Gretzky 3D Hockey, and then Midway released the current champion of Arcade Style hockey in NHL 2 on 2 Open Ice challenge. Though considered by some to be nothing more than "NBA Jam on Skates," Open Ice combined elements of unrealistic and unpenalized hockey action along with the rich cartoony charm NBA Jam put forth. The only negatives about the game were Pat Foley's horrid announcing and inability to pronounce player names correctly (as sniper Keith Kachook and goalie Patrick Rowah can attest) and the fact that the game's greatest player was...Mark Tinordi?
Nothing released since has even come close. The NHL Hitz series was good fun, along with EA's first attempt at NHL arcade style hockey, Rock the Rink. Some fans of Open Ice took to Rock the Rink slightly, but the NHL and NHLPA weren't very keen on the glorified fighting (there were weight classes and championship belts!) or the fact that the game thrived off deliberate attempts to injure. The other main criticism was the repetitive commentary of Don Taylor. While some of us may never get tired of hearing "That check was too sexy for its shirt!" the other 9 people besides myself that owned Rock the Rink did.
Fast forward to February 11th 2009, the day Electronic Arts delivers its long awaited 3 on 3 arcade challenge for XBox Live (the Playstation Network was offered it a week later.) Considering the latest great hockey game of this nature was released when the Islanders were shilling High Liner Fish Sticks on their jerseys, it wouldn't be hard to beat Midway's efforts in this high-tech day and age, especially since we can play online now, and have the ability to diversify rosters a bit better (something Gretzky Hockey attempted to do, but only to a small degree.) So does this game match up and beat the majestic hockey game that was NHL Open Ice?
I can stop the review and tell you right now that the answer is a staggering "No." You can stop reading here or continue.
For those of you wishing to continue, allow me to explain why.
Upon loading the game, I'm told there are 30 teams in the NHL. Unfortunately, I get to play as neither of them. In fact, the logos on the loading screen are the closest I get to playing as any team. Instead, I'm presented with the option of red team vs. blue team. The Blue team is obviously the Western Conference and the Red team is obviously the Eastern Conference, but I'm told none of this. Instead, my sole instruction is through the ever popular awkward male grunts, returning from a 15 year hockey game hiatus to guide me through the menus. Two urgs and an oog and I get to roster selection. Choosing the Blue Team, I'm on my way.
My all-star squad consists of Jarome Iginla, Jeremy Roenick, Shea Weber and Roberto Luongo as I look forward to the controls and the in-game play by play. I'm given one of these right away and find out that unlike every single hockey game made since 1992, there is no turbo button. Fine.
Speaking of the early 90s, it seems the designers haven't played a hockey game since then because Jeremy Roenick is far and away the best player in this game, making everybody look like the real Mark Tinordi in comparison. Roenick skates with the grace of Mike Gartner, shoots with the grace of Mike Bossy and checks with the grace of Todd Bertuzzi in his heyday. Everybody else looks like garbage in comparison. While I make this startling discovery, there's no play by play to be found. All I get is an in-house PA announcer yelling the name of various powerups, and using dated video game references like "A winner is you!" to proclaim a victory.
All this mayhem occurs after the most awkward way to start a game. EA has taken a page from the XFL because you just stand there till the puck appears and scrum for it till someone comes away. Not surprisingly, not even the living legend of Jeremy Roenick was a match for Zdeno Chara, who skated away with the puck with ease and scored on Roberto Luongo to put me down 1-0 3.2 seconds into the game. It was 2-0 them after I realized there's no followup faceoff when someone scores. The puck just appears and they get a hold of it and score.
While the computer opponents make it look so easy, scoring in this game is no easy task. In fact, it seems learning to score in this game is one of its greatest challenges. First you don't get to enjoy the rush of the turbo button-assisted breakaway, and to make things worse, EA has disabled the one weapon many sneaky gamers have been using to their advantage since NHL 94. There are no one-timers in this game. Allow me to repeat that so it sinks in: THERE ARE NO ONE TIMERS IN THIS GAME. If there is, I haven't found an easy way to do it. You can set up the prettiest 4 way passing play in the world and it won't make a lick a difference that Jarome Iginla has an open net to shoot at. You have to gather control of the puck and then shoot. By then, the opposing goalie will easily be in place to score.
Adding to the frustration is the wandering goalie who moves to the puck at breakneck speed, and when moves with the puck with the speed of Dave Babych hauling Dana Murzyn on his back. It wouldn't be so frustating if goalies were ghosts like they usually are in hockey games. Instead, you have about a half a second to pass to anything before the opposition goes gangbusters and all 3 of them bodycheck you into the boards, take the puck and score. While I appreciate EA's great attention to clipping details in the game, losing games because of a wandering game is a pain.
Eventually, if you can get over the goaltender clipping, annoying PA announcer, irritating sound effects, average graphics, lack of NHL teams, faceoffs or order, you can at least take solace in the responsive controls. Oh. No, you can't. The controls in this game are average at best. Despite the fact that you can choose between arcade style, or sim-style controls, neither seem to make a difference over the other in terms of reliability.
Once you get past all that, you're left with a passable effort at best, no different than the pond hockey extras you find in the 2K Sports games, and at least then, you can play as whoever you like in the NHL. $10, while not a steep price tag for this game, isn't worth it unless you're desperate to play online. You better enjoy the online while it lasts as well, since EA will be disabling the online play for it 30 days after the NHL Regular Season ends. If you have an N64, you're better off spending it on Gretzky 3D Hockey, and if you have a PS1, you're better to spend it on Rock the Rink, or add $15 to it and get Open Ice (the game is fairly rare and commands a lot of money in person. The best way to go about it is eBay.) You also also pray Midway starts exporting more games to the Arcade and drop an NBA Jam or NHL Open Ice in there, though licensing issues and royalties may come into play.
All in all, I'd say download the demo. There's really no harm in it since it's free of charge. Play it for the 5 or 10 minutes it takes for you to become disenchanted with it and move on to better games.
*Sadly, in the time it took me to write this review, Midway announced their bankruptcy and ensuing exit from video games, bringing to an end one of the most prolific video game companies in history.
