ajbry
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Not my work, but it's a funny read.
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“Michael Vick Experience” Lets Fans Live the Thrills of Passing for 148 Yards and 0 TDs
Disney Group announced the creation of a new exhilarating theme park ride called “The Michael Vick Experience”, which lets fans of the National Football League experience the adrenaline rush of passing for 148 Yards and 0 touchdowns as the Atlanta Falcons’ quarterback.
The interactive ride, the first of its kind, places you in
a simulated NFL game environment. Carried
throughout a playing field on a mechanical chair attached to a ceiling, you wow fans with highlight-reel three-yard-runs and underutilize your strong arm by dumping the ball off to fullbacks coming out of the backfield.
“The Michael Vick Experience” will first be offered at the Disneyland® Resort in California, and at Disneyworld® in Florida.
“If you’re a football fan, you’ve probably wondered what it’s like to play in the NFL as an over-hyped quarterback with a career passing rating of 76.8. Well, we’re now giving you a chance to do just that,” said Michael Eisner, Chief Executive of Disney Group.
“From taking off and running instead of checking down to a second or third receiver to completing barely more than 50% of your passes to throwing for less than 150 yards per game, this ride shows off each one of Michael Vick’s seemingly incomparable skills. If you’ve ever wondered why analysts mistakenly call him one of the top 3 quarterbacks in the league, get your hand stamped and buckle up.”
The ride, which costs just $10 (full day Michael Vick Experience pass costs $60), lets you pick any game on the Falcons 2004 schedule.
Show off your electrifying running skills by rushing for 10 yards as you squeak by the San Francisco 49ers, or light it up through the air as you pass for 115 yards and get sacked six times in a crappy win against the God-awful Arizona Cardinals.
“Holy ****, that was incredible!” said Tim Gaston, seconds after not leading the Falcons to a 27-10 win over the Carolina Panthers. “We put up almost 30 points, and I did absolutely nothing except complete 10 measly passes. The best part of the ride had to be watching Tamp Bay Buccaneers castoff running back Warrick Dunn solidify his role as the team leader by rushing for yet another touchdown. That’s a feeling you just can’t get by
watching the game on TV or even going to it. It’s like I was really there, not making a difference. That’s one wild ride. ”
“Whoa! That was insane!” said Derek Conner, who paid $40 to play in each one of the Falcons’ games this year. I can’t believe I just passed for two touchdowns in four games! God, that’s awesome. And the part where all the fans around me gasped for breath and screamed in fright each time I dropped back to pass was incredible! The only way this ride could get any better is if I could fumble two or three times and break a fibula next week against the Lions. I can’t wait to come back!”
The ride, which became an instant attraction overnight, has fans waiting two or three hours in line to play Michael Vick.
“It’s by far our most popular ride in both our parks,” said Eisner.
“Michael Vick is one of the best athletes in the world. How he can pass for an equal number of touchdowns and interceptions is beyond me. I mean, he’s so good it’s almost mind-boggling. I go on the ride myself six or seven times a day just to get a feel for what it’s like to fail to recognize a blitz and rush for a gain of - 3 instead of throwing it away. Space Mountain is great, but continuously falling short of expectations is pretty fun too.”
Six Flags America, which had wanted “The Michael Vick Experience” put in its own theme parks, couldn’t afford the costs associated with licensing the ride. Instead, they’re going with a similar, more cost effective solution.
“We’re also interested in giving the fan the experience of being a barely mediocre quarterback, so we’ve teamed up with the Baltimore Ravens to offer our visitors “The Kyle Boller Experience”, said Gene Downing, President of Six Flags America. “You can throw for less than 100 yards in a game, routinely make horrible decisions, and generally just look completely inept out there—all for $5. “It’s a great ride, but I wouldn’t go on it right after eating. Boller’s scrambling ability will make you want to puke.”
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“Michael Vick Experience” Lets Fans Live the Thrills of Passing for 148 Yards and 0 TDs
Disney Group announced the creation of a new exhilarating theme park ride called “The Michael Vick Experience”, which lets fans of the National Football League experience the adrenaline rush of passing for 148 Yards and 0 touchdowns as the Atlanta Falcons’ quarterback.
The interactive ride, the first of its kind, places you in
a simulated NFL game environment. Carried
throughout a playing field on a mechanical chair attached to a ceiling, you wow fans with highlight-reel three-yard-runs and underutilize your strong arm by dumping the ball off to fullbacks coming out of the backfield.
“The Michael Vick Experience” will first be offered at the Disneyland® Resort in California, and at Disneyworld® in Florida.
“If you’re a football fan, you’ve probably wondered what it’s like to play in the NFL as an over-hyped quarterback with a career passing rating of 76.8. Well, we’re now giving you a chance to do just that,” said Michael Eisner, Chief Executive of Disney Group.
“From taking off and running instead of checking down to a second or third receiver to completing barely more than 50% of your passes to throwing for less than 150 yards per game, this ride shows off each one of Michael Vick’s seemingly incomparable skills. If you’ve ever wondered why analysts mistakenly call him one of the top 3 quarterbacks in the league, get your hand stamped and buckle up.”
The ride, which costs just $10 (full day Michael Vick Experience pass costs $60), lets you pick any game on the Falcons 2004 schedule.
Show off your electrifying running skills by rushing for 10 yards as you squeak by the San Francisco 49ers, or light it up through the air as you pass for 115 yards and get sacked six times in a crappy win against the God-awful Arizona Cardinals.
“Holy ****, that was incredible!” said Tim Gaston, seconds after not leading the Falcons to a 27-10 win over the Carolina Panthers. “We put up almost 30 points, and I did absolutely nothing except complete 10 measly passes. The best part of the ride had to be watching Tamp Bay Buccaneers castoff running back Warrick Dunn solidify his role as the team leader by rushing for yet another touchdown. That’s a feeling you just can’t get by
watching the game on TV or even going to it. It’s like I was really there, not making a difference. That’s one wild ride. ”
“Whoa! That was insane!” said Derek Conner, who paid $40 to play in each one of the Falcons’ games this year. I can’t believe I just passed for two touchdowns in four games! God, that’s awesome. And the part where all the fans around me gasped for breath and screamed in fright each time I dropped back to pass was incredible! The only way this ride could get any better is if I could fumble two or three times and break a fibula next week against the Lions. I can’t wait to come back!”
The ride, which became an instant attraction overnight, has fans waiting two or three hours in line to play Michael Vick.
“It’s by far our most popular ride in both our parks,” said Eisner.
“Michael Vick is one of the best athletes in the world. How he can pass for an equal number of touchdowns and interceptions is beyond me. I mean, he’s so good it’s almost mind-boggling. I go on the ride myself six or seven times a day just to get a feel for what it’s like to fail to recognize a blitz and rush for a gain of - 3 instead of throwing it away. Space Mountain is great, but continuously falling short of expectations is pretty fun too.”
Six Flags America, which had wanted “The Michael Vick Experience” put in its own theme parks, couldn’t afford the costs associated with licensing the ride. Instead, they’re going with a similar, more cost effective solution.
“We’re also interested in giving the fan the experience of being a barely mediocre quarterback, so we’ve teamed up with the Baltimore Ravens to offer our visitors “The Kyle Boller Experience”, said Gene Downing, President of Six Flags America. “You can throw for less than 100 yards in a game, routinely make horrible decisions, and generally just look completely inept out there—all for $5. “It’s a great ride, but I wouldn’t go on it right after eating. Boller’s scrambling ability will make you want to puke.”
