DougLaurieSports
Verified Trader,
Welcome to Week Six of the Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Edition, where we if we were kicking any more ***, we'd change our name to Chuck Norris on the NFL.
The Hoser had a triumphant week. Not only did we post a strong 9-4 mark against the spread and 10-3 straight up, but we also hit both the Lock of the Week (San Diego) and the Trifecta (Chargers, 49ers, Bills). That's a resounding $1,560 to the good for this week. We'd brag we've been banned from Caesar's Palace, but that had more to do with two showgirls, some butterscotch pudding and a trapeze. Don't ask.
For those following our Pro-Line totals, we played $12 and won $25. It would have been $50 on a second three-team parlay, but the Chargers line was -5.5 and we missed a stinking half-point. NORVVVVVVVVVV!
Remember: these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as investing in the Greek stock market.
St. Louis Rams (+14.5) at GREEN BAY (47.5): We have no good reason to think the Packers won't cover this, but more than two TDs gives us the willies anyway. Packers 31, Rams 17.
Jacksonville (+13) at PITTSBURGH (40.5): Despite records, we have no doubt -- the Jaguars are the worst team in the league. Steelers 34, Jaguars 10.
Philadelphia (-2.5) at WASHINGTON (47): We picture a shell-shocked Andy Reid sitting on the couch in sleep pants, sniffling and eating a bathtub-sized carton of Ben & Jerry's. It won't be any better after this. Racists 26, Eagles 22.
San Francisco (+4.5) at DETROIT (46.5): If you said before the season this game would be the most intriguing in the NFL in Week Six, well, nevermind -- nobody did. Lions 27, 49ers 21.
Carolina (+4) at ATLANTA (50.5): A must-win game for the Falcons, and Matt Ryan is 21-5 at home in his career. Atlanta is far better than its 2-3 record. Falcons 24, Panthers 17.
Indianapolis (+6.5) at CINCINNATI (40): Colts owner Jim Irsay is steadfastly clinging to the possibility of Peyton Manning playing this season. We suspect he may be Tweeting from a field somewhere, waiting also on the return of the Great Pumpkin. Bengals 22, Colts 19.
Buffalo (+3.5) at NY GIANTS (50): Nothing to do with the game, but thank you, Jesus, for putting a Buffalo Wild Wings near us in the Great White North. If they have the $.50 chicken legs, we may never go home again. Giants 27, Bills 23.
Houston (+7) at BALTIMORE (45): We believe a little in the Texans now -- but we believe a hell of a lot more in the Raven defense. Ravens 20, Texans 14.
Cleveland (+7) at OAKLAND (44.5): The Raiders have momentum, while the Browns have a disgruntled Peyton Hillis. Raiders 26, Browns 16.
Dallas (+7) at NEW ENGLAND (55):When Laurent Robinson is the answer, you don't want to know the question. Patriots 30, Cowboys 21.
New Orleans (-6) at TAMPA BAY (49): No LeGarrette Blount, no chance. Saints 30, Buccaneers 17.
Minnesota (+1) at CHICAGO (42): As Viking fans long for those halcyon days of Tarvaris Jackson. Vikings 23, Bears 19.
Miami (+7.5) at NEW YORK JETS (42.5): Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall said he plans to get thrown out in the second quarter. That means he`ll be as effective in the second half Monday as he has been in the first four games. Jets 22, Dolphins 17.
Lock of the Week: Atlanta
Trifecta: Atlanta, New Orleans, New York Giants
2011 Week 5 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 10-3
Against The Spread: 9-4
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 1-0
Money: $1,560
2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 55-23
Against The Spread: 43-34
Lock of the Week: 5-0
Trifecta: 2-3
Money: $+3,510
2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $12
2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $25
2011 Season Pro-Line: $64
2011 Season Pro-Line: $169
2011 Total: $+105
The Hoser had a triumphant week. Not only did we post a strong 9-4 mark against the spread and 10-3 straight up, but we also hit both the Lock of the Week (San Diego) and the Trifecta (Chargers, 49ers, Bills). That's a resounding $1,560 to the good for this week. We'd brag we've been banned from Caesar's Palace, but that had more to do with two showgirls, some butterscotch pudding and a trapeze. Don't ask.
For those following our Pro-Line totals, we played $12 and won $25. It would have been $50 on a second three-team parlay, but the Chargers line was -5.5 and we missed a stinking half-point. NORVVVVVVVVVV!
Remember: these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as investing in the Greek stock market.
St. Louis Rams (+14.5) at GREEN BAY (47.5): We have no good reason to think the Packers won't cover this, but more than two TDs gives us the willies anyway. Packers 31, Rams 17.
Jacksonville (+13) at PITTSBURGH (40.5): Despite records, we have no doubt -- the Jaguars are the worst team in the league. Steelers 34, Jaguars 10.
Philadelphia (-2.5) at WASHINGTON (47): We picture a shell-shocked Andy Reid sitting on the couch in sleep pants, sniffling and eating a bathtub-sized carton of Ben & Jerry's. It won't be any better after this. Racists 26, Eagles 22.
San Francisco (+4.5) at DETROIT (46.5): If you said before the season this game would be the most intriguing in the NFL in Week Six, well, nevermind -- nobody did. Lions 27, 49ers 21.
Carolina (+4) at ATLANTA (50.5): A must-win game for the Falcons, and Matt Ryan is 21-5 at home in his career. Atlanta is far better than its 2-3 record. Falcons 24, Panthers 17.
Indianapolis (+6.5) at CINCINNATI (40): Colts owner Jim Irsay is steadfastly clinging to the possibility of Peyton Manning playing this season. We suspect he may be Tweeting from a field somewhere, waiting also on the return of the Great Pumpkin. Bengals 22, Colts 19.
Buffalo (+3.5) at NY GIANTS (50): Nothing to do with the game, but thank you, Jesus, for putting a Buffalo Wild Wings near us in the Great White North. If they have the $.50 chicken legs, we may never go home again. Giants 27, Bills 23.
Houston (+7) at BALTIMORE (45): We believe a little in the Texans now -- but we believe a hell of a lot more in the Raven defense. Ravens 20, Texans 14.
Cleveland (+7) at OAKLAND (44.5): The Raiders have momentum, while the Browns have a disgruntled Peyton Hillis. Raiders 26, Browns 16.
Dallas (+7) at NEW ENGLAND (55):When Laurent Robinson is the answer, you don't want to know the question. Patriots 30, Cowboys 21.
New Orleans (-6) at TAMPA BAY (49): No LeGarrette Blount, no chance. Saints 30, Buccaneers 17.
Minnesota (+1) at CHICAGO (42): As Viking fans long for those halcyon days of Tarvaris Jackson. Vikings 23, Bears 19.
Miami (+7.5) at NEW YORK JETS (42.5): Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall said he plans to get thrown out in the second quarter. That means he`ll be as effective in the second half Monday as he has been in the first four games. Jets 22, Dolphins 17.
Lock of the Week: Atlanta
Trifecta: Atlanta, New Orleans, New York Giants
2011 Week 5 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 10-3
Against The Spread: 9-4
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 1-0
Money: $1,560
2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 55-23
Against The Spread: 43-34
Lock of the Week: 5-0
Trifecta: 2-3
Money: $+3,510
2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $12
2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $25
2011 Season Pro-Line: $64
2011 Season Pro-Line: $169
2011 Total: $+105
